Sleeve Notes

Found this in the Sportsman's Guide Online, your one-stop shopping site for everything you need to act the part of Hunter-Fisherman-Farmer. Actually, in their defense, they claim to appeal to the "outdoorsman"- a term that I suppose includes anyone from a day-hiker to a husband locked out of the house for cleaning his gun at the kitchen table.
Getting to the point, it is this very store that has finally addressed the long overdue need for a "businessman" to pass himself off as a "rocker":

Businessman by Day, Hard-core Rocker by Night!

Trade in the suit for something a bit more laid back. Simply pull 'em on and these look like your arms are sleeved with tattoos. But at the end of the night, pull 'em off and you're ready for the office again. They're made of stretchable fabric with full color designs of skulls, python snakes, devil woman... and more.
Size Large / XL fits most. Get a pair ONLINE today!


Can you spot the businessman in this picture?!

What would any self-respecting businessman looking to kill deer want with faux tattoo sleeves? None of your goddamn business!
He's just had a full-salaried day of eating shit through a tube handed him by upper management, and now he's gonna cut loose. Hellbent on kicking out the jams, he's hitting the town tonight to pound some beers with Jimmy from Shipping and Receiving. Outta his way- 'cause shit rolls down hill, bro! No, I don't want no martini, dude- you see these tatts!?... Gimme a freakin' Corona!

That was a display of rather low morale, so let's let's do a little team-building and raise the bar here:
Why don't you businessmen just go ahead and push the envelope by requisitioning yourselves a pair of these bad-boys, at the end of the day? Think outside the box already and step up to the plate for a full-court press. The synergy's killing me!

All right, catch-and-release time. Look- it's pretty clear that something's a little fishy, a little gamey here. Everybody knows that if you're a businessman by day and you wanna be a hard-core rocker by night, that all you need to do is buy a Harley or Metric Cruiser (what they're called now that you can't say Jap bikes, overseas parts, or offshore fasteners, unless you're a war vet.) Bam- you get instant cred, good until the Hells Angels show up. So, what's with the sleeves? I smell a rat, but don't even check the trap, Clyde, 'cause I weren't born in a barn yesterday.

Businessman- come off it! This advertisement is no more than a duck decoy intended to distract the greenhorn reader from the true purpose of this product. When's the last time you made a living off shooting moose, snagging carp, or trapping muskrat? Exactly. An outdoorsman's got to pay the rent, fella! Well, in keeping with the stretch fabric theme, just accessorize the Businessman-by-day, Hard-core Rocker-by-Night Tattoo Sleeves with a Businessman-by-Day, Skiier-at-Night Mask, and you got yourself a night job, boy. But no one's going to announce they're selling the Businessman-by-day, Holdup Man-by-Night Kit now, are they?

That's right, detective. Play back the security cam footage all you want- nobody's ID'ing me. Go scour the rocker bars for the guy with all the ink... shake down the local ski hills too, while you're at it.

Businessman, Hard-core Rocker.......
Sure. I'm no idiot.